Go, Put on Your Face

It is crazy to believe that putting on make-up has become illuminating for me, and that the act of putting cosmetics on my face can make me feel good. Growing up, I would watch my beautiful Mom put make-up on her freshly washed bare face. I would sit beside her on her bed as she looked into a round two sided mirror. There was a rhythm as to how she put on her face. The cosmetics tray would come out of her night stand. There were brushes, compacts, little jars, tweezers, sponges, all in one very organized tray, like a painter's pallet. I was in awe of her knowing just where to place what to enhance her beauty, and when she was done, it was as if the lights were turned on. Her face would glow, her eyes sparkle, and her lips would be wet with the latest gloss or lipstick.

There is something special that happens when we sit in front of a mirror and look ourselves in the eyes. Touching our faces with all kinds of brushes, creams, serums and then painting away as we put on our faces. Cosmetology is truly an art, and we know how make-up can create illusions, like in the movies when make-up creates monsters, zombies, aliens and so on.

This act of self care, grooming or whatever you consider applying make-up to be, requires that we face ourselves. I am not sure when my Mom started saying it, but when I was down for whatever reason, my mother would say, “ Go Put on Your Face. “ I realize now that even though she meant it as an action for me, she truly meant it much more metaphorically. We all put on faces, a work face, play face, sad face, scared face, a brave face……..you know the song: just put on a happy face….

I have been in a wheelchair now for almost two years, and there are days when I would rather just sleep in and not begin my day. It has become easy for me to give myself grace when I feel down, it is difficult living each day in a wheelchair, and it is difficult acclimating to not being ambulatory, not just for me, but obviously for my family, my husband and three children. Currently, I am not working and have many hours in a day to fill, so on those days that I feel low, I hear my mother say, “ Stephanie, Go Put On Your Face.”

On the last day that my siblings and I emptied my Mom's home after she had passed, I sat at her vanity where before me, there was a huge Lotus mirror, one that hung in the den over the couch in my childhood Brooklyn home. In the drawer, I found the round two sided mirror that she used to Put On Her Face. My Mom loved the mirror because one side was magnified 15 X’s, and she could get a good look at her face, in fact she could probably count each pore if she wanted to. I took both mirrors, removing the large lotus mirror from the wall, holding it tight as I put it into my the back seat of my car and then returning to my Mom’s bedroom to retrieve the small round mirror. The mirrors were the last two items that I took from my parents home, the lotus very large and heavy, still something moved me to take both mirrors and I am grateful to this day that I did.

Sometime before she died, my Mom told me that when she looked into that small round mirror she would see her mother looking back at her. There really was little resemblance between my mother and her mother so it was funny to me. I have always been told that I resemble my Mother, a clone, the same person, and I was flattered my whole life because she was truly beautiful, inside and out. On my most difficult days, the simple act of Putting On My Face can change the course of the day. Everyday I try to live in gratitude, in fact I have daily gratitude practice. Every day, I try to do gentle Chair Yoga, some upper body strength training and Meditate. Whether or not I am able to accomplish those activities has so much to do with whether or not I Put On My Face.

The lotus mirror hangs in my bedroom, truly a focal point, and the small round mirror resides in the top drawer of my bedside table, and on my word, every time I look into either, I hear my mother say, “Stephanie, Go, Put On Your Face.” These days when I look into the small round mirror and see my face magnified 15 times, taking up the entire circle, I see every blemish, every pore and stray eyebrow hair! When I look into either mirror I see my Mother’s beautiful face, and I hear her voice cheering me on, lifting me up and urging me to Put On My Face.

Whatever action it is that resets your mood if it is low; a walk, call with a friend, music, bingeing Ted Lasso, I implore you to lean into it, incorporate it into your day. Maintaining my sanity as I deal with the progression of my disease, and the impact that losing my mobility has on my life and my family is challenging to say the least. It is understandable to feel down, and believe me, with all the tools I employ and medications I have taken, I know that if I begin my day looking into that mirror, it will be a good day, a very good day Indeed. When I Put On My Face it helps me to feel good, to give myself grace, to look at myself with compassion and affection. A little powder, a little paint, amazing what make-up can do, I mean really, look at all the beautiful Drag Queens who put their faces on and transform into the most magnificent, gorgeous performers. So Putting On My Face Helps me to feel well, I’m wondering, what helps you?

With so much love,

Stephanie